Comb of Time HD
by DJ Twitch
Summary: When Zelda disappears and a primal evil rises to power in the world below Skyloft, five brave heroes with varying agendas answer the call! BEING REMASTERED.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello ! This was my first humble story to grace the archives of this magical website, so I thought I'd come back to it and give it a little tune-up. But efore we begin, I'd like to make clear that this story is not a typical fanfiction. What lies ahead contains massive canon defilement, obnoxious humor, violence, and not a single character acting the way they should. If this is not your kind of fic, consider yourself warned.  
**

 **Oh and I don't own Zelda, sure glad we got _that_ misunderstanding out of the way, eh?**

* * *

 **PROLOGUE**

 _A long time ago,_ _ **Hylia**_ _, the youngest sister of_ _ **Din, Farore, and Nayru**_ _, ruled over the new Earth after her sisters created it. She was called "Her Grace" by her chosen people, the Hylians._

 _As the races of the world lived together in peace, a great evil rose from the Underworld; The Demon King **Demise**. He waged war against Hylia and the world with a vast army of demons, destroying everything he laid his eyes upon.  
_

 _As the battle heated up, Hylia took a desperate measure to save the surviving Hylians and raised parts of the land into the sky, giving them refuge in the clouds. This floating archipelago was called **Skyloft**. _

_Eventually, Demise was brought to his knees and pushed back to the Underworld with his followers where they were to be sealed off forever._

 _However..._

 _Even though the war was over, Skyloft remained where it was. Generations passed, and those who dwelt on Skyloft became largely ignorant of the world below them, knowing that they are safe from it's chaos.  
_

 _This is how the story has been told, but the truth is... very few know what really happened those many years ago. Fewer still know why it happened..._

* * *

 **STORY BEGIN**

 _It was another beautiful morning in Skyloft. Clouds of smog blew about the air in harmony, masses of garbage and waste flowed through the town's water like synchronized swimmers, and the sounds of construction and heavy industry bellowed like music along with the sounds of the birds gasping for clean air._

 _What also was beautiful was Skyloft's star citizen; his name was **Groose**. He was their very own North Star, the crown jewel, the cream of the crop, the center piece, the center FOLD ;), the black sheep... except in a good way...? Well you get the picture. Anyway... umm, where is he?  
_

"He's not coming out of his room. There was a race earlier and Groose lost because some d-bag named Link cheated." Strich said matter-of-factly.

"Well we'll have to go get him! What kind of boring sack of crap would this story be if Groose wasn't in it?" Cawlin replied.

And so Cawlin and Strich began their journey to their friend's room. After a while, they realized they were already at his door in the first place, so they turned around and made their way back.

Now they are back at Groose room.

Yes, even the mightiest of heroes fall into pits of doubt and despair, this was evident to Strich and Cawlin when they entered the door to see Groose bawling loudly and uncontrollably, something they didn't hear earlier for some reason...

 **"WAAAAAAAA W-W-WHERE DID I GO WRONG! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"**

 _Even the coldest of hearts melt at the sight of such raw emotion. I'm fighting back tears... m-m-myself..._

"Come on man, she ain't good enough for you. You don't need some dumb bimbo like her." Cawlin said, trying to comfort his fallen friend.

"Umm, Cawlin..."

Before Strich could stop Cawlin from going too far, he saw Groose throw his purple haired accomplice into the wall, leaving behind a new hole.

"Are you kidding?! Zelda's the most beautiful girl in town, I swore that I would have her when we first met two weeks ago, and she would be all over my muscly body if it wasn't for that pipsqueak Link!" Groose declared, finding newfound confidence from the sound of his own voice.

* * *

 **STATUE OF THE GODDESS**

 _Well until Groose is ready to start, let us shift the focus to the little jerk himself; Link, who after cheating, got to meet the dumb bimbo- I mean, serene and beautiful Zelda on top of some giant statue thingy._

 _Well, we're already late, so we'll have to watch from down here._

"Congratulations Link, I knew you could do it!" Zelda said cheerfully.

Link simply stared unamused at Zelda until she handed him a piece of cloth with some sort of design on it. Link blankly eyed it for a few seconds.

"...That's my prize?"

"Yes." Said Zelda "It's the Sailcloth. Legend says that it once belonged to a..."

Link stopped listening right about there. He was still disappointed in his prize after he went through all that trouble cheating- I mean, winning the Loftwing race.

( _Looks like it's you and me tonight, right hand_ )

When Zelda, half knowing that Link wasn't paying attention, was finished, she stepped over to the edge of the platform, gesturing Link to do the same.

The two looked out at the sky for a while until Zelda slowly stepped back. Link felt awkward.

"Wait, what are we doing- **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH** "

Zelda pushed him straight off the edge. As Link fell down, he accidentally held the Sailcloth to catch the air and act as a parachute, slowing his fall until he touched the ground.

When the shock wore off, Link got a little angry.

" **ZELDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA** " He screamed.

Zelda's sadistic giggling stopped as she heard Link stomping back up to the top, shouting a rainbow of obscenities at her. _I'd write what he was saying, but we want to keep this rewrite T rated, so let's show some class._

"Link, what are you- **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH** " Was all Zelda could say before Link tossed her off the tower... and off of Skyloft itself...

"NEED A PARACHUTE?!" Link shouted down as he tossed the Sailcloth down at her.

 _Well that will never reach her in time, so she's as good as dead now. Great, day 1 and we already have a fatality, that's a record for us..._

* * *

 **SKYLOFT**

 _Realizing what he had done, Link left the scene before anyone showed up. He decided to innocently walk around town and hope nobody approaches him with questions._

But someone _was_ approaching him alright. It was...

...

...

 **DUMBLEDORE!**

...oh wait, I mean- **GROOSE AND HIS GANG!**

"Well well well. If it isn't ol' Link." Groose said, towering over Link.

"Go away Groose, I'm not in the mood..." Link said, not in the mood.

"What's the hurry? off to see Zelda?" Cawlin Accused.

"Uhh... no." Denied Link

"What's the matter, still having girl problems? Well I understand, we can't ALL be lady pleasers. In fact, she was probably disappointed that you "won" the race." Groose said, easily getting under Link's skin already.

"Well it's your fault for not seeing it coming, did you think I would be above dirty tactics?" Bragged Link.

"I see..." Said Groose "Then does that mean you confess to cheating before the great **Headmaster Gaepora?** "

Groose then pointed behind Link.

Link worriedly turned around to see... nobody there and to hear the three bullies laughing at him.

While Cawlin and Strich were still laughing, Groose continued "Your mom should have named you... **GULLIBLE** , like it says on your _name tag._ "

"Yeah whatever..." Link said, not falling for that one, even though his name tag actually DID say that.

"So where's your GIRLFRIEND?" Groose questioned.

Not wanting anyone to know about Zelda's death, Link had to swallow his pride on this one.

"She uh... Didn't show up."

"Hah! she stood him up!" Cawlin laughed.

"Maybe if you got yourself a better haircut like mine, you'd have some better luck." Said Groose who then realized he was late for his hourly combing.

"I don't need hair like that... I don't have anything I need to compensate for." Joked Link, trying WAY too hard to get one over his rival.

" **Hey!** You lay off my 'do right now! Everyone knows I got the slickest pompadour in town!" Shouted Groose, heroically rushing to the aid for his superior hair.

"Oh my gods, I am SO sorry, I have no idea where that came from!" Link quickly apologized, realizing he went way too far.

"Very well, but there is still a price to pay." Groose fairly decided.

 **POW!**

Groose delivered five fingers of sweet retribution to Link's smart mouth, sending him flying across the town. Cawlin and Strich applauded.

"That'll teach you some manners."

* * *

 **LATER THAT DAY**

 _As Groose and his bros were settling in for the night, Link came hobbling back to the dorm, barely conscious due to massive head trauma. Questions were staring to raise about Zelda, who hadn't been seen since the ceremony and Groose was noticing. Seeing Link come in, Groose decided to get to the bottom of it.  
_

"Mornin', shrimp. Oh wait, it's night time now. That's what happens when sleep all day... like a loser!" Said Groose, once again looming over the little geek.

"Fuuuuggooofff Gooos..." Was all Link could muster.

"Dizzy there? perhaps I've punched you TOO hard back there. I can't help it with these bulging muscles after all!" Groose said as he struck that pose the would even impress Link.

But Link wasn't in the mood, so he continued back to his room. Swift as a river, Groose cut him off and was once again in front of him.

"Going somewhere? I didn't dismiss you. Where is Zelda?!"

"Uhhhh..." Link was getting a little nervous now.

"You better not have done something to her!" Groose stated as he left the dorm to search for Zelda.

* * *

 _Groose was heroically soaring around the sky, stopping at any island he could find, searching for his woman. He eventually stopped for a short while for his hourly hair maintenance. After all, having such a sick pompadour required not only work and love, but also time._

He froze in shock, and nearly dropped his expensive comb on the filthy ground, when he saw a blue apparition appear before him.

"Greetings, oh handsome one. I am called Fi."

Groose was shocked, the creature was speaking in gibberish, yet he still somehow understood it.

"I am a humanoid representation of the Goddess Sword, a sword that is meant to be wielded by one named Link. Do you know of him? I am in a hurry to find him."

"Why yes I do, but what would you want with a dork like him?" Asked Groose.

"He is destined to use the Goddess Sword in his quest to slay the demon king called Demise. I can't seem to locate him."

Groose was baffled, who would give such an assignment to someone that has to be reminded to blink?

"Hah, you're wasting your time there. This Link you're looking for... is a moron. He just sleeps all day, and he can't even take a punch." Groose informed, proudly remembering that Super Duper Don't Talk Smack About My Hair Fist of Fury.

"Perhaps we speak of different Links?" Fi reasoned, hoping what Groose said wasn't true.

"I doubt it, there's no one else around here with a name like that. Who even calls their boy Link anyway? Maybe his mom meant to call him **STINK**." Groose joked, though disappointed to waste his best Link insult on someone other than Zelda.

"Umm... in any case, I am in need of a hero immediately. You seem able bodied, perhaps you could come with me?" Fi asked, wondering why in the world she was sent to find someone with such a poor description.

"Me? a hero? I already AM one, sweetheart. But I suppose I could squeeze you into my schedule." Groose boasted.

Fi was impressed. "Excellent, perhaps I could even assist you in your endeavors. But for now, please come with with me."

 _So the new duo departed to the Statue of the Goddess where Groose was to receive his new awesome weapon._

* * *

 **MEANWHILE...**

 _Link was awakened by a knock on his door. Shaking the pain in his head, he walked to the door to find Pipit._

"Good evening Link, is a bad time?" Pipit asked.

Link pointed to the clock that read 1:11 AM. "Yes, it is."

But Pipit didn't quite understand why midnight isn't a good time to bother people and got a little suspicious.

"Ah, I see. But I wish speak to you about Zelda in the morning, so here is my card."

With that, Pipit left. Link decided to actually read the card before throwing it out. It simply read _"_ _ **SPESHAL OCCIFER AGINT DETEKTIV PIPPIN. CAL ME**_ _"_

Link's heart skipped a beat.

 _(Shit, they're already on to me!)_

 _Everyone else in the Academy had gotten Pipit's card too, except they didn't know what it was about._

* * *

 **STATUE OF THE GODDESS  
**

 _Groose and Fi arrived inside the Statue. Within it was a sword that didn't really look that impressive, but Groose took it anyway. He held it high and shouted..._

 **"I HAVE THE POWEEEEEEEEEER!"**

Fi waited for him to settle down and began to explain.

"Master, since you have accepted this mission. My duty now is to guide you on your journey to fight evil. And when I say "evil" I mean a figure that the goddesses simply don't agree with."

"Where do we start?" Groose said, ready for some ass kicking.

"We will begin on the world below yours. A desolate world of many dangers. An evil demon named Ghirahim who plans to unleash the Demon King Demise is down there."

Groose quickly lost interest and closed the deal with "Ehh, how about we just do it tomorrow?"

"Very well."

 _Groose then left for home, intending to go right to bed, even after only about five minutes, being a hero really takes it out of you._

* * *

 **THE NEXT MORNING**

 _Groose woke up to the sunrise and flexed his muscles. He decided he would have eggs and sausage this morning and left to go find himself a pig since real men make their own meat. Only to be interrupted by Fi, whom he had almost forgotten about._

"I do not intend to rush you master, but it is best we depart as soon as you are able."

"Yeah yeah, I'm hunting for my breakfast, woman." A startled Groose replied.

"You left the Goddess Sword in your room, perhaps it could help you?" Fi tried to helpfully add.

"A REAL man relies on one thing, **his bare hands**." Said Groose, striking a dashing pose. Once again, Fi was impressed.

As Groose said this, Cawlin and Strich approached him.

"Sup Groose, who's the lady?" Asked Cawlin.

"This is my servant, Fi." Groose said proudly.

"Hmmm... what _KIND_ of servant?" Strich suggestively asked.

Cringing at the way Strich said that, Fi responded "I am assigned to assist Master Groose in his journey. He is to defeat evil using the Goddess Sword."

"An adventure?"

"Without us?!"

Cawlin and Strich were _offended_ to think that Groose would embark on an awesome journey without his comrades.

"Of course not. We're gonna go down there and kick some demon's ass! AND find Zelda." Groose said, striking a dashing pose once more.

"Zelda?" Questioned Fi.

"My girl. She went AWOL yesterday." Groose said, pumping his fists.

"I can locate her..." Said Fi as she used her dousing ability.

...

"...I sense her presence way down below!"

"We shall rescue her! **ONWARD**... or downward." Declared Groose, striking another dashing pose.

"How can we reach this world below ours? Your Loftwing can't carry all three of us." Said Strich, finally addressing the issue.

"Don't you have your own?" A confused Groose asked.

"Mine got impounded."

"Mine got repoed."

"Hmm... then we'll have to have a word with Link. I'd say he owes it to us!" Groose said thoughtfully as he struck yet another dashing pose.

 _So the four departed to find Link.  
_

* * *

 _Link was being held at Pipit's house for interrogation, except..._

"Don't play games with me, mister! See, when I get a feeling about someone, **I'm usually right**. And I got a _baaad_ feeling about you, son. So I suggest you play ball!" Pipit demanded as he shone a flashlight in the suspect's face.

Pipit's Mom could only stare at him in confusion until she finally pointed behind him. Pipit realized he was questioning his mom the whole time and Link was behind him.

"So... you thought you could pull one on me, eh?"

Groose and the gang bursted into Pipit's house, ready for one badass rescue mission.

"We're bustin' ya out, Link!"

Strich threw a smoke grenade into the house, blinding Pipit long enough for Link to escape with the others. The smoke cleared, and...

"He's fleeing the interview! HE'S FLEEING THE INTERVIEW!" A panicking Pipit shouted as he darted out the door.

* * *

 _The five we're then tearing like Hell across Skyloft._

"What's this about?" Demanded Link.

"We need your help, Link. We need your Loftwing to-"

And then they heard it.

 **WEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOO**

Pipit was not far behind them, giving chase and making his own siren noises.

"Oh damn, he's gaining on us!" Shouted Cawlin as he pulled out a gun.

Cawlin aimed for and shot at at Pipit's feet. Pipit ran in a serpentine pattern and flew right into a tree. Making tire screech noises the whole way.

"Woot!"

 **WEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOO**

But just then, a whole squad of Pipit clones came out from all over, intending to close in on the suspects. Having no other choice, our heroes jumped off the ledge, Groose and Link intended to call their Loftwings, but then realized they forgot their whistle things that summon them.

"Oh shit!"

And there they were, plummeting towards certain doom below. How will they get out of this jam? Will it be some previous event coming back to work in their favor? or will it just be some contrived deus ex machina? Probably the latter.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2 BEGIN!  
**

 _We rejoin our heroes as they fall from Skyloft after having evaded Pipit. It seemed hopeless, the team was falling to their early demise. Cawlin, Strich, and Link were saying prayers, making amends with the gods, but Groose toughly braced for impact. The ground was only two short miles away._

 _Is this the end of our heroes? Is this short story coming to an abrupt end? Well you're only at the top of a long page, so probably not!_

Cawlin's life flashed before his eyes...

* * *

 **CAWLIN'S FLASHBACK**

Cawlin lived on Skyloft his whole life. He was born in the back of a carriage. When Dr. Beedle first saw him, he told the parents that the baby would not survive the next hour.

Well he didn't. The Cawlin we all know is actually a _clone_ that somehow remembered the original dead one's birth.

Cawlin enrolled in the Knight's Academy in hopes that the training would help him shed his body weight, but right at the start he was being trained for a do-nothing desk job where he would eat too many donuts. There, he was made fun of quite often for his weight and soft appearance, even by his crush, Karane. After a while of this, he soon met the new kid that everyone was talking about; Groose. Groose took pity on Cawlin and gave him protection from the torment of his peers.

Nobody dared to even _look_ at Cawlin the wrong way again.

* * *

 **ANYWAY...**

Back to the fall, while Link and Cawlin were confessing their love for each other...

"Hey I want a flashback too!"

 _Well... okay sure, but make it quick._

 **STRICH'S FLASHBACK**

At a young age, Strich was playing in his backyard as his mom and dad were arguing and throwing dishes at each other. Strich was eating bugs, his favorite being the Gold Skulltula, known for causing developmental disorders is consumed by a child.

Just then, a BIG Gold Skulltula came out and attacked.'

"AHHHH SAVE ME HERCULES!" Strich cried, frightened by this aggressor and saw his life flash before his eyes...

 **FLASHBACK WITHIN A FLASHBACK**

 _What? no. Back to your flashback, hurry up._

Anyway, just before Strich was eaten, the creature was squished by a huge figure.

It wasn't Hercules, but it was something much better.

It was Groose.

Strich pledged his loyalty to Groose ever since.

* * *

 **AH, WHY NOT?**

The narrator was your average greasy, pimple popping nerd that preferred anime over human contact. When he turned 30, his parents finally got tired of him taking advantage of them and kicked him out of the house. He couldn't find a job until he saw an ad asking for a narrator. The pay was $2 an hour and he was given a dog house to sleep in.

He then began contemplating suicide.

* * *

 **OKAY, BACK TO THE FALL. SORRY LINK, WE DON'T HAVE TIME**

The group finally collided with the ground, the sudden stop leaving them broken and mangled. Not Groose and Fi, however.

In all his toughness, Groose only suffered a bump on the elbow. On the other hand, Fi simply floated down the whole way.

"That hurt." Groose said casually.

"Master." Fi began. "I'm glad to seed you are unharmed, I thought for sure this would be the end of you."

"Hah" Groose shrugged, as if surviving a drop from such a height was to be expected.

"But what about your friends?" Fi said, pointing to Groose's fallen allies. She could have sworn that Strich was dead.

"Hmm... I suppose they weren't man enough. I'll have to work my magic."

After several hours of CPR and five minutes of duct tape surgery, Groose had all of his friends back on their feet.

"PRAISE BE TO GROOSE" They proclaimed as they knealt before him.

Groose didn't notice as he was busy fixing his hair. They were lucky he didn't make his pompadour his _first_ priority.

Fi Looked at Link, noticing he seemed oddly familiar.

"Excuse me." She finally asked. "Seeing as we are all working together, may I ask for your names?"

"Cawlin"

"I... I don't know..." Strich replied, obviously having hit the ground too hard.

"Link"

Fi was confused, especially since the question was more directed to the others.

"But your name tag reads 'gullible...'"

" **WHAT?** "

Link finally checked his shirt, realizing it did indeed say that.

"Since when?!"

Groose, finally seeing the fruits of his efforts, informed him "I replaced your name tag **YEARS** ago!"

"So your name is indeed Link then?" Fi asked.

"Yes, it is."

"I see... You may come along if you wish, but remember; we can not afford to carry any dead weight." She said in a dismissive tone.

"...what?"

 _And so the five departed to begin the great search._

* * *

 **MEANWHILE, BACK ON SKYLOFT...  
**

 _Pipit was briefing his army on the new agenda._

"Alright ladies, we got five suspects here. One being our boy Link, and four others who aided his escape. They have been identified earlier, but I forgot their names. So, we're gonna go down there capture Link, as well as anyone who might be with him. **DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?** "

 _No response came since the whole Pipit army was saying the exact same thing._

* * *

 **BACK TO GROOSE**

 _Groose was surveying the new land he found himself in. We all knew it was coming, so ready or not..._

"I'll call it... **GROOSELAND!** " He shouted, awaiting approval.

"Master, if you wish to claim this land as your own, you must rid of the evil force that now occupies it." Said Fi.

"I see..." said Groose thoughtfully. "Then that will be our _second_ priority."

"What's our _first?_ "

"We are going to rescue Zelda!" Groose said in that beautiful heroic tone.

"Uhh... she would definitely NOT be down here." Said Link hoping to derail this plan.

"Actually... I sense her presence not far from here" Said Fi with her dousing ability on again. "She is to the West."

"ONWARD!" Groose shouted.

The team pressed on to the West, Fi leading the way. They entered a huge forest called the **Faron Woods**. They knew this because they were inexplicably stopped in their tracks to view a series of establishing shots with a title reading Faron Woods appearing out of nowhere.

"That was weird..."

As they continued deeper into the trees, they noticed the area was strangely devoid of life; no sounds of birds, rodents, or any other type of creature. This seemed a bad sign, but Groose was not willing to turned back. They remained quiet, listening carefully for any signs of danger.

"Hey I need to take a piss." Link broke the silence with.

"We're not waiting on you, shrimp." Groose replied, not wanting to waste valuable time.

Link stayed behind a tree and waited until the group was out of sight. He took down a parallel path to get ahead of them. He had to find that body. Fast.

* * *

Link searched for Zelda relentlessly, he could not see Skyloft from below, so he couldn't make an educated guess as to where she landed... or where _he_ was, for that matter.

He began to prepare his story: "She was depressed, she could take it anymore, so she jumped! He was there when it happened and saw the whole thing, but he was too late. He couldn't tell anyone, he just didn't have the heart to bear such news."

 _(Or maybe I can "disprove" I was the last one to see her?)_

As he was preparing his responses for every single question he could be asked, he realized something... Pipit wasn't known for being very reasonable, and he especially _wouldn't_ be willing to listen to words after Link had evaded arrest that morning.

While he was thinking, he didn't notice a tall skinny looking demon thing standing before him until he was rather uncomfortably close to it. Link looked up in surprise.

"Hello." It began. "My name is Ghirahim. You must be Link."

"Umm, do I know you?" Link said, not in the mood for whatever the demon wanted.

"Don't you remember me? I'm your pediatrician. You haven't visited me in a long time."

Link didn't remember ever seeing a doctor in his life.

"Umm, I'm not in need of a check up." Said Link, trying to continue his search.

"I see..." Said Ghirahim, as he disappointedly put his glove away.

Link walked away, but then got an idea...

"Hey" He said. "Have you seen a girl's body- uh... a girl around here?"

"Why yes I have! My super demonic powers led me right to her. It was Zelda, Princess of Destiny. I took her to my master." Said Ghirahim, striking a fab pose.

Link was a little worried now. "Uh, was he mad about her being dead?"

"And just how do _YOU_ know that?" Said Ghirahim jokingly.

Link shot up. "Duh... uh-uh-uh I-I just figured she was, seeing as she fell from such a height..."

"Now then, I suppose you'll want to see your friend now?" Ghirahim said, motioning Link to follow him.

* * *

 **BACK TO GROOSE**

After miles of hiking through the forest, the group started to get tired... except Groose, of course. Cawlin passed out on the ground, but the remaining three carried on without him.

"How much farther, Fi?" Groose said, starting to get bored.

"Not much farther, master, we may want to speed up if we are to find her anytime soon. But that would mean we would have to leave Cawlin behind."

Serious moral questioning time. What was more important to Groose? Finding his reluctant girlfriend? Or his two best friends that he has always been there for? He had to think quickly though, Zelda was in danger and Cawlin was gasping for air. He had to chose it, so he did. He was flying solo... or, unless you count Fi, duo.

"Strich!" He called. "Stay behind and help Cawlin, I gotta do this alone... or... with Fi."

"Hmm, I guess my name is Strich then, but... who's Cawlin?" Strich asked, still suffering memory loss.

"Excellent!" Not wasting a further moment, Groose dashed forward faster than Usain Bolt, ready to strike down anything in his way, even if it was Zelda. After about half a mile, Groose and Fi finally reached some sort of temple looking place. Groose was ready to go in and kick ass until...

"Master, draw the Goddess Sword. For only _it_ can cut down the evils waiting ahead." Fi suddenly said.

Groose froze. He realized he left it in his new sword in his room that morning!

He thought for a moment and finally said: "Umm... Fi? Is it possible to go back to Skyloft? I kinda left the sword back at home..."

Fi was surprised, but knew what to do. "Yes master, all you must do is use a Bird Statue. There is one near the entrance of the temple before us."

Groose could already see it, so he dashed towards it and...

" _Ye who hold the sacred sword, leave proof of our encounter._ "

"Wrong one, over there!"

Groose went on to the OTHER bird statue, but... **HE WALKED INTO AN AMBUSH!**

 _Thousands, or hundreds, or... only_ _ **two**_ _Bokoblins?! there's supposed to be... what do mean we fired the others?! You were the one freaking out that day we only had half of them because the others had jury duty._

 _As I as arguing with the director, Groose fought the two Bokoblins._

"Master, be careful!"

With one swift jumping kick, Groose knocked their heads clean off, resulting in seemingly infinite amounts of blood spraying out of the now headless 'blins.

Groose returned his attention to the statue, using it, he found himself back in the sky. Even though he forgot his calling whistle, his Loftwing, who sported a well groomed pompadour like that of it's master, happened to be right there and caught Groose. They saw Skyloft in the distance and headed towards it, Groose was frustrated that he had to suffer yet another setback.

Suddenly, a whole flock of Loftwings appeared behind him, and he heard it again...

 **WEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOO**


	3. Chapter 3

We rejoin Groose and his trusty Loftwing in the vast skies of... well, the sky. The course wind blew against his face, but fortunately he never forgets his anti-wind pompadour hairgel. He was being chased by the Pipit squadron, who intended to detain him for his assistance in Link's escape.

 **WEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOO**

As they shouted their self-made sirens, Groose had an idea. With the "police" gaining on him, he steered his Loftwing into... **AN ASTEROID BELT!** Well, not like the _real_ ones where there's a 1/1,000,000 chance you'll even hit anything, it actually was more like a cluster of islands that were a little TOO close together. Then again, I guess it wasn't really an asteroid belt after all...

With excellent skill and composure, Groose finessed between the islands. The Pipits however, weren't capable of such clean maneuvers and in their blind rushing, crashed into the large structures and... exploded.

After losing the Pipits, Groose was back into the open sky. All of them were gone except the original, who was the only one smart enough to fly **over** the island cluster.

" **STOP RIGHT THERE!** " Pipit should over the loudspeaker. " **WE ARE THE LAW!** "

Groose ignored him though, looking for a place to stay hidden.

" **FIRST WARNING!** " Pipit again shouted.

Groose then found it. A small island, not far from Skyloft, called _Pumpkin Landing_. It was his best chance to avoid the lunatic chasing after him.

Groose abandoned his Loftwing and dove for the small patch of solid ground. Like before, he required no parachute and landed with a sick action roll. Pipit, on the other hand...

Pipit dove his Loftwing straight towards Groose.

" **SECOND WARNING** " he shouted.

Groose dodged Pipit at the last second, sending Pipit crashing into the Lumpy Pumpkin, destroying the bar.

"Well, I hope the insurance company covers reckless DIVERS!" Groose said raising his hand for a high five.

As the survivors ran out to deliver that well earned high five, some were missing their arms, so they made do with any other remaining appendages they had. The owner, however, was pretty angry.

"DAMN IT, DAMN IT ALL! WHO DID THIS! WHO THE HELL DID THIS! MY BAR!"

While Groose was still occupied by the line of high fivers, Fi approached the disgruntled bartender to explain.

"We apologize, sir. We were pursued at high speed by one who calls himself Pipit." Fi said.

The bartender immediately calmed down, as if something like this had happened before.

"I see... well at least he didn't break my new chandelier, it was more expensive than any other part of my bar combined. I still have 40 payments left to go..."

After Groose had finished, he pulled out his whistle to summon his Loftwing again.

" **Hold it right there.** " The bartender shouted. "Since you had a part in this, I'd like you to do something for me... can you take the survivors to the hospital?"

Groose looked around, even though all of the Lumpy Pumpkin's patrons had gotten up to congratulate him for his excellent pun, they were all in pretty bad shape, most of them were by then dead.

"I suppose..." Groose said reluctantly, while he was annoyed that yet another distraction had occurred, he knew his heroic duties had to come first.

So one by one, Groose flew all of the injured patrons to the nearest facility of medical assistance; an ordeal that could have been avoided if **any** of the 20 people present had remembered to bring their phone. Once everyone was gone, Pipit rose from the rubble.

" **THAT'S IT, I'M COMING TO GET YOU NOW, BUSTER!** "

* * *

 **FARON WOODS**

Strich and Cawlin were lost and wandering though the forest until they came across something odd: a tribe of little wood people called the Kikwi.

Cawlin and Strich made their presence known.

"Attention! You all live on ground that now belongs to Emperor Groose!"

Most of them stared in confusion until one spoke out.

"We do not adhere to the politics of man."

Cawlin and Strich then drew swords that they found on some dead guys.

"Then prepare to be ruled by force!"

* * *

 **GHIRAHIM'S SECRET LAIR**

Link followed Ghirahim into a cave, fearing what may be shown to him. He felt a combination of claustrophobia from the dark, narrow passages and discomfort from the fact the Ghirahim was dancing the whole way.

"We found Zelda on the ground in the Faron Woods and brought her here." Ghirahim said.

"Was um... was she okay...?"

"Well, she was _alive_ , but not what I would call okay. I don't know why, but my master wanted me to bring her to his chambers; he always leaves me in the dark..." The demon said in a quandary.

Getting the idea that Ghirahim wouldn't really care what he did, Link decided to just get to the point.

"Are you going to let her go? Please don't, she'll testify against me!"

"Probably not." Ghirahim stated. "I don't see her waking up anytime soon, and my master doesn't usually let people out once they are captured."

Relieved, Link decided to just get out of there. Who cares what happens to Zelda? as long as she's not around anymore, he was cool with it.

"So, now that I umm... _know she's okay_ , I think I'll be heading off then."

"Not just yet," Ghirahim interrupted. "I have an offer you may be interested in."

* * *

 **BACK TO GROOSE**

After finishing the emergency transport, Groose and Fi were finally able to return to Groose's dorm and get the Goddess Sword back. Pipit was not in sight, so it seemed that it was finally time to get on with the mission already. But then...

"Well, I'd say it's been a day, how's about we turn in for the night?"

"Very well, master. Let us hope there will be no further delays tomorrow."

Just then, Headmaster Kaepora himself showed up.

" **Link!** " He called out. "You, Groose, Cawlin, and Strich were absent today."

"We were searching for Zelda." Groose explained.

"Who?"

"Umm... nevermind..." Groose remembered that Kaepora had gone senile long ago.

"Anyway, do you know why I am here?"

"No." Groose said, not really wanting to know.

"You, Link, Strich, and Groose were absent yesterday." Kaepora said, not remembering saying it the first time.

Groose then got an idea to get the old man off his back.

"No we weren't, we were there."

"Were you?" Kaepora asked, halfway convinced already.

"Yeah, check the attendance records, Hector, Francesco, Tony, Nikolai, we were all there."

Kaepora took a look at the list and...

"Ah, I see. Your names are right here. Sorry to have bothered you." Said Kaepora as he walked away, probably not knowing where where he was going.

Groose sighed in relief; actually bothering to remember his classmates' names had finally paid off!

As Groose finally went to bed, Fi and asked him. "Master, while you sleep. Perhaps I could spend the time searching for your allies and ensure they are not in trouble?"

"Yeah sure." Groose said dismissively; people interrupting his _mission_ was one thing but his _beauty sleep_?!

"Very well. Goodnight." Said Fi as she left his room.

Fi floated out of the academy, thinking out loud.

"Hmm, the last time I saw Master's friends was in the Faron Woods, perhaps I can use dousing to track them."

But little did she know that someone was following her.  
It was Pipit.

"Yes. Show me right to them!" Giggled Pipit.

* * *

 **THE NEXT MORNING**

Cawlin and Strich fought hard and strong, but without their leader, they did not prevail.  
The two were tied to the trees, awaiting judgement. The Kikwi's big fat I'm-not-a-deku-tree-ripoff patriarch finally waddled towards them. His name was Bucha.

"You!" he demanded. "How dare you violate our sacred land."

Cawlin and Strich were not intimidated, they stood their ground.

"We will take your Forest in the name of **Groose.** Harm us, and you answer to him!"

Bucha was unmoved, but slightly unnerved at the sound of such an awesome name. But if this Groose was a real threat, he would not have sent his two lackeys to do his dirty work for him.

"Bring me the Execution Sword." Bucha demanded.

"It's right in front of you." His second in command Machi reminded.

"Uhh... can you hand it to me?" Bucha asked, being too fat and lazy to bend over and get it.

"He comes..." Strich ominously said.

"Who comes? your master?"

"More like, future emperor, as well as yours!" Called a confident voice.

The Kikwi all turned around to see him standing over a rock, the morning sun shining right behind him, the wind blowing against his side burns, but his pompadour standing strong against it. Midna even came along today to blow the trumpet since Fi was absent.

"Are you the one called Groose? The fool who intends to take our holy forest?" Bucha demanded.

"Yes." Groose said as he raised the Goddess Sword.

"You can't be that foolish! Even with a sword, you are still one against many! You can never overtake us!"

"That's where you're wrong... I AM that foolish!" Groose declared as he dashed into battle, intending to take them all at once.

"Seize him!" Bucha shouted, again to fat and lazy to do it himself.

All the Kikwi responded and joined together to form... **KIKWITRON!** With Machi at the top, he steered the Kiwi robot towards Groose and Midna, intending to crush them.

"Well, I suppose you can handle this without me, so I'll be going. Hee hee hee, see you later!" Midna said, abandoning Groose.

"That I can surely do!" Groose said proudly.

Groose threw the extra weight (the Goddess Sword) away, and ran towards the fight, intending take down Kikwitron with his bare hands.


	4. Chapter 4

_Previously on The Legend of_ _ **Groose: Comb of Time**_ _... you know what? If you seriously don't know, go read Chapter 3 already, sheesh!_

 _Let's start with something else. A long long time ago, there lived the goddess_ _ **Hylia**_ _, the bratty youngest sister of_ _ **Din, Farore, and Nayru**_ _. She ruled over the new Earth after her sisters created it, forcing everyone to address her as "Her Grace." She chose the Hylians, a race of elf people, to be the master race. They would get the best water, weather, and stock options while everyone else was forced to scratch a living wherever and however they could._

 _She made an example of anyone she didn't like or vice versa, using cliche words like "darkness" or "evil" to describe them and then turned her people against them. One such fellow was a demon named_ _ **Dave**_ _who, after harmlessly expressing his disapproval of her over the internet, was banished to Hell and had his name changed to_ _ **Demise**_ _as a way of painting him as the evil one._

 _Dave's 10 or 20 followers then vowed to bring him back._

* * *

 **- CHAPTER 4-**

 _We join Groose as he is moments away from facing Kikwitron. They've just been staring at each other and grunting for the last minute, so hang on, they'll start any minute now._  
 _Groose was powering up with some new ability we haven't heard of... until he noticed it was fine day out. A fine day for..._

"Who's up for some golf?"

 _What? seriously?! Groose, you need to deal with- ah heck, I'm in. I wanna try out my new Sand Wedge anyway._

 _As Groose and I were playing golf, Kikwitron stood in confusion... and awe at Groose's amazing drive. While I was fishing my ball out of the water, Groose took his next swing... straight at Machi who had been off guard. Machi fell off the top of Kikwitron, leaving the formation headless and out of control._  
 _Kikwitron then formed a ball, rolling for Groose to crush him._

 _It was just then that Midna reappeared._

"Ugh... do I HAVE to do this for you?"

 _Midna was too distracted with her complaining to notice that she was in Kikwitron's path and was then crushed._  
 _Groose was prepared, though. He reached out, and with his amazing strength, slowed Kikwiton to a stop and tossed it aside. Kikwitron broke up when it hit the cliffside._

 _Bucha then sprung into action._

"This ends now!" _He shouted._

 _Bucha entered a sumo wrestler stance. Unfortunately for him, Groose has a black belt in sumo wrestling and was by no means threatened._  
 _Groose toppled his opponent with rather disappointing ease. Bucha rose and admitted defeat._

"I yield! I yield! You have proven too powerful for us Kikwi..."

 _Groose put away his sword, (which he wasn't using anyway) and turned to the fallen Kikwi._

"Arise, those of you who are still able, you will now hear from your new master!"

 _Groose noticed that only about 10 of them got up, the rest were horribly broken or dead._

"Ah, well I wanted you to erect a statue in my honor, but that'll have to wait. Release my friends!"

 _Cawlin and Strich, now freed, once again bowed before Groose._

"Thank you, master. We are not strong without you!"

 _Midna then got up._

"Hee hee hee, did you think I died?" _She giggled._

"Hmm, well I kinda did." _Said Groose, not really caring._

"Well, since I "helped" you save your friends, you now work for me. You will collect the Fused Shadows for me, I won't tell you why unless you are useful to me..."

 _Midna kept going on, not noticing that the gang already left._

* * *

 **-MEANWHILE-**

 _After informing Groose where Cawlin and Strich were at, Fi left to find Zelda before it was too late. She came across a cave with a sign that read:_

 **"THIS IS GHIRAHIM'S LAIR. ANY FURTHER VANDALS WILL BE FORCED TO CLEAN ANY DAMAGES UP!"**

 _Fi put aside her eggs and spray paint and continued inside._  
 _Along the way, she ran into Link who was leaving the lair with an oddly calm expression._

"Mr. Link, I am pleased to see you are okay, please remain with the group from now on, you could have gotten injured in there."

 _Link ignored her and asked_ "Do you know where the others are?"

"Why yes, Groose is freeing Cawlin and Strich from the Kikwi, last I heard."

 _With a grin, Link headed out to reach the Kikwi._

"Wait Link, do you know of Zelda's fate?"

 _Link paused, and said_ "Yes, she's fine." _And continued out._

 _Before Fi could ask any other questions, Pipit sprang out._

"AHA! I got you now, Link!" _He exclaimed._

 _Fi and Link ran as fast as they could when they heard it again._

 **WWWWWEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOO**

 _...except is wasn't from Pipit._

"Uh-oh, it's the **REAL** Skyloft police!" Pipit gasped.

 _Two officers from Skyloft came and arrested Pipit._

"I'm sorry if this man was bothering you." One said. "Pipit has been harassing Skyloft citizens for years, thinking he's a cop. But thanks to an incident at the Lumpy Pumpkin, we finally have clearance to take action on him"

" **NOOOOO! I'M NOT GOING BACK! I CAN'T GO BACK! NOOOOOO!** " _Pipit screamed as he was finally arrested._

 _As the officers took Pipit away, Fi and Link separated. Fi went back in to find Zelda, and Link to find Groose._

* * *

 **-KIKWI FOREST-**

 _As Groose, Strich, and Cawlin were laying out the dimensions and references necessary for their statues, Link came to them in a surprisingly friendly mood._

"Hey buddy." _He said._ "I got a great job offer for all of us!"

First of all..." _Groose interrupted._ "Only my _equals_ may use pet names on me, and there's a reason everyone calls me Groose. Second... what is it?"

 _Link continued._ "It's a demon named Ghirahim. He proposes to conquer this land with you."

 _Groose thought about it. Other than having Cawlin and Strich at his left and right hands, he wasn't planning to share power with anyone. He thought he better meet this potential competitor._  
 _So Groose agreed to go meet this Ghirahim._

* * *

 **-GHIRAHIM'S LAIR-**

 _Fi was navigating through the dark corridors of Ghirahim's home. It was rather distastefully decorated, horrible placement of ornaments and furniture, clashing colors, and she was sure that Ghirahim couldn't make up his mind on which century this interior was supposed to resemble. She just couldn't wait to hear him explain that it's supposed to be "ironic."_

 _She came across Zelda's body, which was placed on an altar. Zelda was unconscious and looked like she was being prepared for something as soon as she woke up._

 _Fi then called upon Hylia.  
_

"Your Grace, I have found Zelda, princess of Destiny. Our hero will be arriving to vanquish Ghirahim soon."

"Ugh, really?! I had to pause my show for **this?** "

 _Fi remembered she wasn't supposed to contact Hylia during this time of the day. Hylia was always busy watching her angsty teen soap operas.  
_

"Umm... my apologies, Your Grace, I must've misread the time-"

"Yeah yeah, whatever, just do it." _Hylia said, even more annoyed now._

 _Fi was then confronted by Ghirahim._

"Hello stranger, I don't recall inviting you..."

 _Fi recognized him though._ "Ghirahim! I have found you! And I must say, you have rather poor taste in decor."

 _Ghirahim was taken aback by such an off color comment. He got a degree in interior design and art theory at his local community college to which he got to go practically for free, what does she know?_

"It's SUPPOSED to be ironic." _Ghirahim retaliated, making Fi cringe._

 _Just then, a disembodied voice called out..._

 **"HEY! WILL YOU SHUT UP DOWN THERE! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"**

 _It was Demise, formerly known as Dave. After being vanquished by Hylia, he managed to return to Hyrule. Of course, since he was undead, he didn't really need to sleep, he actually never did. Really he just needed an excuse to get a few hours of quiet time from his annoying minion._

"My apologies, master." _Ghirahim said._ "I've merely been dealing with this intruder who... Oh hey now that you're up, I need you to review our weekly balances! I'd do it myself, but I don't have the password to-"

 _Demise then started snoring, pretending to have gone back to sleep._

"Master? **_Maaaaaasteeeer wakey wakey!_** " _Ghirahim sang, almost as if torturing his boss intentionally._

 _Those who heard Ghirahim's irritating chanting would say that such a screech would wake one up from a coma... which it just did._

 _It woke Zelda._

 **"WILL YOU SHUT UP! I HAVE A MIGRAINE!"** _Zelda screamed, clutching her head._

 _Fi rushed over to her._ "Princess Zelda, thank goodness you are awake! Hurry, we must leave immediately!"

 _Unfortunately, Ghirahim caught on to this quickly and appeared right in front of them._

"You will not leave! I have a purpose for you, Zelda. And you, Navi will die!"

 _Ghirahim pulled off one of his rubber_ _ **Band-Nobody-Ever-Heard-Of**_ _bracelets and fired it. It flew at Mach 10 right at Fi, going straight through her chest and out. Fortunately, none of her vital organs were harmed, unless you count her right kidney, in which case she's screwed._

 _Can you survive with only one kidney...? oh you can...? well I guess she'll be fine for now, but she_ _ **IS**_ _bleeding really bad!_

 **What's going to happen this time? Is Groose going to be distracted again? Why is Link acting weird? How is a rubber bracelet able to go so darn fast? Is the next chapter just going to be about the gang doing random things with no story involved? Find out next time! ...or not.**

* * *

 **-AUTHOR'S NOTE:-**

Thanks for the new reviews everyone! Whether positive or constructive, I was really needing something to get me motivated to keep this up!


	5. Chapter 5

_We_ _ **would**_ _rejoin Zelda and Fi as we left them; at the mercy of Ghirahim, but nobody cares about them, so let's go to Groose._

 _Groose and the other guys are traveling through the Faron Woods once again, they appeared to be lost since they've been hiking for a long time to a destination that wasn't very far away. Groose was hacking the shrubbery away with a machete, even though it wasn't necessary since he has to go off the path to do so, but damn did he look fine doing it._

 _Link was growing frustrated with this and finally spoke._

"Alright, you should have let ME navigate! I already knew the way, and now we're lost!"

 _Groose payed no attention to this bold comment since, unknown to the others, getting to Ghirahim's lair was not his first and foremost plan._

 _The four finally came to a clearing and Groose surveyed it with expert judgement._

"Here it is!" _he declared._ "The perfect spot for the **Grooseland Amusement Park!** "

 _The other three were astonished by this. Cawlin and Strich knew by now not to question Groose's motives as they always made sense at the end of the day. Link, on the other hand, was angry. Even though... he did agree that Groose had found the perfect spot for a new amusement park...  
_

"We traveled through miles of forest, sucked poison out of our own wounds, and evaded pushy salesmen just so you could find a spot for a theme park?!"

"Not a theme park, but an **amusement** park!" _Groose corrected._

 _In minutes, construction was completed, everything from roller coasters, to haunted rides, to over priced waffles and watered down sarsaparilla. It was then that, now that his business was finished, Groose decided to move on to his next task..._

 _Find out which ride to try first._

 _They agreed on the Ferris wheel, but they quickly got bored of it, demolished it, and moved on to that one ride that spins you around really fast._

* * *

 **GHIRAHIM'S LAIR**

 _As Fi lay unconscious on the ground, Zelda was face to face with Ghirahim, the latter getting in a little TOO close._

"Look... what do you want? What am I doing here?" _Said Zelda, trying to back away._

"Hmmm... I bet you wish to know why you're here." _Taunted Ghirahim._

"Uhh, yes, that's what I asked."

 _Ghirahim then did some weird dance in preparation to give Zelda some important information._

"I..." _He began,_ "Don't know either."

 _As Ghirahim crept behind Zelda and licked her for no reason, Demise finally decided it was time to "wake up" before Ghirahim made things worse._

"Ghirahim... what are you doing?" _Demise muttered, pretending to have just gotten out of bed._

"OMG MASTER YOU FINALLY WOKE UP! I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE GONE FOREVER I GET SO LONELYWHENYOULEAVEICANTSTANDNOTBEINGAROU-"

"Ghirahim... go make my coffee..." _Demise interrupted._

 _As Ghirahim skipped off, Demise spoke to Zelda._

"He didn't harm you, did he?"

 _Zelda shook her head._

"Good," _He continued_ "Allow me to explain why you are here. You see, you are a necessary piece in a grand scheme, you are the descendant, or reincarnation, or whatever of the goddess Hylia. Ever heard of her?"

"Yeah, she makes all these crappy pop singles that are always on the radio." _Zelda replied._

"Yes that's her. I am at war with her and-"

 _Just then, Zelda had a wonderful idea._

"Hey wait just a sec, what did you mean by Ghirahim "harming" me?" _She asked with a twinkle in her eye._

 _Fearing the worst, Demise said_ "Well... I suppose I meant any physical contact that offended you in any way..."

 _Seeing an opportunity, Zelda welled up some fake tears and started whining._

"Oh it was horrible! He kept licking me, grabbing my ass and saying I had nice-"

"GHIRAHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!"

 _Demise then started writing up a check._

"Here, if I give you this, will you please not speak of it? We can't afford any more lawsuits."

 _As Zelda took the check, Ghirahim came in with his master's coffee. Demise then took it at dumped it at his poor minion._

 **"AAAAHHHH TH-TH-THANK YOU SIR!"**

* * *

 **GROOSELAND**

 _As Cawlin and Strich were using Link as a shooting target for Groose's amusement, a man in shorts that were_ _ **WAAAAAAY**_ _too short jogged up to them._

"EEEEEEYYY... HEE HUH HEE HUH HEE HUH. Good evening Mr. Groose, I have a package for you. That'll be a 20 rupee delivery fee".

 _Groose held a red rupee in his hand and trust his arm with excellent form. The mailman ran off, not knowing that Groose didn't really throw the rupee. Groose then opened the box and shed a manly tear at the sight of it..._

 _Fi's bloody body within._

 _Well, not her_ _ **dead**_ _body, he wasn't crying because he was sad, but because she kinda smelled bad, with a hole through her stomach and all._

 _Wait a second, who could have sent Fi over to Groose? It couldn't have been Zelda, Demise or Ghirahim, they were all busy. Who did it? who cares? moving on._

 _With Groose's amazing ability, he had Fi back to normal in no time. Well not really normal, since she wasn't waking up. Groose then rubbed his shoes on the carpet at high speed, (yes, he happened to be standing on a carpet in the middle of the forest) and touched Fi, shocking her back into consciousness._

"Thank you master, I can see why gods choosing Link was a mistake."

"So," _Groose asked,_ "Where have you been?"

"While you were busy attending to your affairs, I managed to locate Ghirahim's lair. It's just as I suspected, Zelda is there and is being held prisoner. We must rescue her immediately!"

"Well good luck keeping his attention this time..." _Link complained._

"On the contrary..." Said Groose "All I must do now is close down the park and we'll be off to bring Zelda back!"

"Excellent, but before you do so... could I try out one of the rides?" _The bumper cars caught Fi's eye._

"What? No, we're leaving now!" _Link demanded._

 _Fed up with Link's attitude, Groose gave Link the usual five good reasons not to speak out of line._

"But of course, we have all the time in the world." _Groose said._

 _And they all headed towards the bumper cars. Link sat there pouting.  
_

"This is insane, I've been out all day, and all they want to do is play on their rides. Ah whatever, they'll come with once they're done... **AND I'LL BE RID OF ALL OF THEM! AAAAHAHAHAHA!** "

 _And so concludes this chapter in the continuing saga of Groose,_ _ **but wait!**_ _Who could have sent Fi to Groose? Demise, Ghirahim, and Zelda were all busy with something else, is some new character working in the background-_

"Hee hee hee, it was me, the Twilight Princess! Did you think I just disappeared?"

 _Uhh, ok then..._

* * *

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE**

I promise the next chapters will be longer from now on. Thanks for the reviews as always!


	6. Chapter 6

**Aaaaaaand here we go, another chapter... whee. Anyway, before we get back to Groose, let's recap. Last time, Groose and- oh right, we're not doing that anymore.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 6**

 _So Groose and and his crew were determined to finally rescue Zelda, but Link had something else in mind... He had to make sure nobody could find out about his deed back on Skyloft. He would surely be toast if Zelda testified against him, he was **not** going to prison for this, not today.  
_

 _But since Zelda was alive, covering his tracks was not going to be easy._

 _As Groose and his allies were once more heading to Ghirahim's lair, hopefully not to be distracted yet again, they came across something mysterious..._

 _spooky..._

 _creepy..._

 _and covered in spray paint..._

 _it was..._

 _..._

 **GHIRAHIM'S LAIR**

 _Thought it would be something random, huh? well no, they're finally here, so the story can actually move on!_

 _Groose wielded his sword and ran straight in. After a while he ran straight into a wall, seeing as the cave wasn't lit. Not to worry though, as such a puny collision would never harm our hero, but a source of light is going to be needed if Groose plans to navigate this monstrous cave more efficiently._

 _It was then that discovered that Fi was emitting light._

"Fi," _he asked_ "How do you do that?"

"Well, it's because of some food poisoning from when I was five. You see, one day I found a radioactive piece-"

 _Groose had heard all he needed to and ordered Fi to the front. Fi then gave directions...  
_

 _"We turn right here... now another right... right turn..."_

 _The cave seemed to be like a maze, they were wandering around for two whole minutes without making any progress. They all grew concerned, even Link didn't know how this was possible since he's navigated the place before with no trouble. It them struck them all...  
_

 ** _The Demon King Demise had bent space to trap them, they will be stuck here forever!_**

* * *

 **MEANWHILE**

 _Midna was angrily stomping along through the woods._

"How could they leave me behind like that?" _She asked to no one_ "After all **I've done** for them!"

 _She stopped and beheld three mighty statues erecting from the valley below. The one in the middle was in the image of her "servant" Groose, while the others she assumed were just secondary characters. She saw a multitude of creatures pulling them up, they were the Kikwi. Midna decided to help them, and with her magic hair, she had all three statues upright with ease.  
_

'Thank you, lady!" "You're the best!" "We owe it to you!" _They called over.  
_

 _Midna got an idea, if Groose was not going to serve her, then perhaps these little guys will! She had a lot of trouble getting help from people with her sales pitch and attitude being rather... off-putting. Which was rather annoying for her since all she usually needed was a small favor. She decided to use her words more carefully this time...  
_

"The pleasure is mine, dear friends. But since I helped you with those statues, could I ask a favor of you...?"

* * *

 **GHIRAHIM'S LAIR  
**

 _Groose and the gang were exhausted, they've been wandering the corridors for almost an hour and have made no apparent progress._ _  
_

"Right turn here, right turn here, right turn here..." _Said Fi, beginning to doubt her knowledge._

 _Cawlin then caught on... they weren't trapped, **they were just going in circles.** At his suggestion..._

"Hey, let's turn **left** here!"

 _And they did. Surely enough, they were finally on new terrain. In fact, they could already see their destination._ _Fi even came across the familiar bad decorating and knew they had arrived._

"Come forth, foul beasts, and face me!" _Groose demanded._

 _Link calmly stepped forward and called out:_

"I have brought the souls you seek, as per the deal, now hand over Zelda!"

 _Just then, two mysterious figures came out. They were obscured by the shadows and seemed rather ominous. We know who they are already, but Groose and the gang don't, sssh!_

"Welcome to my lair!" _The giant one bellowed._

"But masteeeeeer... I thought it was _miiiiiiine_!" _The smaller one complained._

 _Groose was not feeling patient today, so he quickly drew his weapon and demanded:_

"We did not come here for a pleasant visit, return Zelda now!"

The figures chuckled until the big one said "I am **Demise, Monster of the Week- I mean, King of Demons!** and this this **Ghirahim** , my slave."

"What _KIND_ of slave?" _Strich suggestively asked._

 _Creeped out, Fi asked_ "How often does he do this?"

 _When the two demons stepped into the light, Groose retracted, but only slightly. They were quite intimidating, they seemed unlike anything Groose had faced before. But he wasn't going to back down, not with Zelda at stake. Whom, by the way, Groose did not see._

"What have you done to Zelda? Answer me!"

 _Strich, thinking he was on a roll, once again went with_ "I think I have an idea of what they might have done to her..."

 _Strich was then thrown into the wall._

"Give her to me, I only have one thing to do with her." _Link said._

 _Ghirahim then lifted his arm, uncovering Zelda and allowing her to leave. Zelda wasn't TOO pleased since she spent the last few minutes in a close proximity of the overdressed demon who was known for forgetting to wear deodorant._

"We've come to save you Zelda! Come with me quickly-" _Called a rudely interrupted Groose._

 **"YOU!"**

 _Groose was stunned, what kind of bad mood could she be in to interrupt him? Seeing as she was heading straight towards Link, it had to have been something that bonehead did. Groose then started putting the pieces together...  
_

"You are SO DEAD! I could have DIED!" Zelda shouted, hands out to choke Link.

* * *

" **ROUND ONE: FIGHT!** " _Ghirahim called._

" **BUG CATCHER!** " Link shouted as he drew a net and captured Zelda within.

 _Mission accomplished but... now what?_

 _As Link was thinking of his next move, Zelda broke through what Link thought was an inescapable piece of indestructible hardware and was ready to make the next move._

" **DIN'S FIRE** " Zelda shouted, creating a sphere of... well, fire.

 _The area was engulfed in the fire, completely consuming Link's wooden stick and some of Ghirahim's fine curtains. Groose, in all of his quick thinking, got in front of Cawlin, Strich, and Fi to protect them from the flames. Link wasn't hurt, but more mildly irritated by the burn.  
_

" **BEETLE"** He called out.

 _A bug-like machine slowly moved towards Zelda, but she dogged it. Link was controlling it with a remote, but had difficulty turning it around. Instead, it went through Ghirahim's 300 year old stained glass window. Though this failed, Link wasn't going to let Zelda have another turn, instead..._

 **"REMOTE"**

 _Link threw the remote at Zelda, but missed and hit Ghirahim._

 _Zelda knew that there was some rule that said she could only use an attack once per fight, but ignored it._

 **"DIN'S FIRE AGAIN"  
**

"Wait, you already used that-"

 _Again, the room was covered in the flames. Thankfully, Ghirahim managed to clear his valuables from the area this time. Link was knocked to his feet, his existing burns making Zelda's attack even worse._

 _Zelda then moved in for the finishing blow._

 **"SUNBURN SLAP"**

 _Zelda slapped Link's burned skin, sending a shockwave of agony through him. Link was unable to continue fighting, he fell to the floor in defeat.  
_

" **YOUR SOUL IS MINE!** " Zelda shouted.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 _Zelda extended her hand and forcefully extracted Link's soul, absorbing it into her hand._

 _Everyone applauded. For a quick, half baked fight, that was pretty impressive._

* * *

"Now then," Demise began "Since we are done with the fighting, allow me to get down to the reason you are all here."

 _Groose was all ears, although he felt that this was just going to be some typical villain lecture._

"Ghirahim and I have been trying to reclaim our place in the world since Hylia banished us to the Underworld. We've been lying low in this cave for a while, waiting for the chosen to come and challenge us. But due to some confusion as to who this chosen one even is, I sent to have _all of you_ brought here."

"And what about Zelda?" _Groose demanded._

"Yes, about Zelda..." _Demise began._

 _Demise was cut short by a timely earthquake. The cave trembled until the ceiling gave in to reveal..._

 **HYLIA HERSELF**

"I found you, demon! Prepare to die!"

"Your Grace, why are you here?" _Asked a confused Fi._

"Well I told _you_ to handle it," _Hylia complained._ "But since you were too stupid to even find _the right person_ , my chosen one is now _dead_!"

"So you mean... _Link_ was the chosen one?" _Asked Cawlin._

"Uhh... but Your Grace, I have found one who is far better." _Fi pointed to Groose and the gang._ "These remarkable boys have easily conquered-"

 _Hylia wasn't having it though._ "Shut up, I'm dealing with this myself. You can pick up your last check on Monday."

 _Hylia, with godly power, summoned an after shock to bring the cave down and ascended back to the heavens._

"EVERYONE GET OUT!" _Demise shouted._

 ** _Looks like our heroes are in a pickle yet again. Well, we need to be to create suspense for the next chapter, right? So how will they save themselves this time? I'm sure you can make an educated guess._**


	7. Chapter 7

_Groose, Cawlin, Strich, Fi, Zelda, Demise, and Ghirahim fled the trembling cave, leaving Link's lifeless husk behind. As you probably envisioned, they made it out with only a second to spare, the entrance collapsing the moment they all got out._

"I'd say this story has run it's course by now," _Cawlin commented_ "I mean, we're just relying on the tropes now."

 _Ghirahim couldn't even hear anyone at this point, he had become lost in his own troubled thoughts as he began to wrap his head around the loss of his collection of fine furnishings. Some were antiques he got from yard sales, some were priceless family heirlooms, and others he stole from churches and temples. He was too damaged to even cry, all he could do was stare into nothingness, like a child being exposed to the sad truths of existence. Groose took notice and, with great sympathy and compassion, comforted Ghrahim._

"Don't worry, bro. We'll make Hylia pay for that!" _Groose declared, punching Ghirahim on the arm and accidentally fracturing the poor demon's delicate humerus._

 _Finally over the panic, Zelda came to and started wondering..._

"How exactly _did_ you find me, Groose?"

 _Ready to make an impression, Groose struck his trademark pose and spilled the beans._

"Well, after you disappeared, I met Fi over there. She led me down to this dark treacherous world so we could rescue you. We fought many monsters, conquered much land, and spent very little time doing random irrelevant things!"

 _Cawlin, Strich, and Fi cleared their throats at that last part.  
_

"Oh..." _Zelda said, turning to not Groose, but Fi,_ "Thank you Fi, I don't know what could have happened without you."

 _Deflated, Groose accepted that he lost this round and decided to check on his hair. When he pulled out his mirror, he was shocked to see that some strands of hair had been moved out of place. He pulled out his comb and got to work._

 _It was then that Demise interjected..._

"We meant no harm, we actually intended to send you home once we had the information we needed."

 _Groose dropped his comb and remembered that Demise was a threat. He drew his sword, ready for an epic fight.  
_

"Alright foul demon, our situation has passed, you will-"

 _Groose nearly screamed when he realized his comb was now on the filthy ground. As he dove to retrieve it, Demise decided to just continue._

"As I was saying, we meant to return her the moment we were finished. We're sorry for the trouble, but Zelda is an important piece that can shift the tide of this war against Hylia in our favor."

"It was our _intention_ to stop you from using Zelda," _Fi stated_ "You are our enemy, and we will eliminate you as we have been ordered!"

"Didn't you get fired?" _Strich added._

 _It then struck Fi, she had completely forgotten what had happened earlier. How could Hylia fire her after all these years of faithful and excellent service? One harmless- no, **beneficial** mistake of recruiting Groose instead of Link was all it took for Hylia to freak out? What will Fi do for a living now? She couldn't go back to that fast food shack after that big show she made..._

 _Customer service and God service was all she knew how to do, and there was no way she could go back to either._

* * *

 **POINTLESS FLASHBACK FOR FI SINCE SHE NEVER GOT ONE  
**

 _In the skies of... the sky, there was a low standard fast food restaurant called Chumpy's, since only a chump would go there. A high school dropout named Fi believed she was stuck there for the rest of her life. She always vowed to move on in life, but was never able. It was the same routine every day, and it crept on to poor Fi that this was now her life...  
_

 _But her luck changed when she found out there was an open position at the gods' court. They were looking for a companion for the hero who would slay Demise and Ghirahim. The opening required the applicant to be a blue fairy-like creature that has a habit of pointing out obvious things and interrupting the hero's adventure._

"I could easily do this!" _Fi thought._

 _The next day, Fi showed up at the goddess' sacred realm, (which was surprisingly easy to access) and sat in the waiting room. In the room with her was Navi, Tatl, and Midna who were also trying to get out of their own dead end jobs. As they were all trading insults to ruin eachother's confidence, a balding middle aged I'm-still-trying-to-be-cool-and-hip kind of guy came into the room.  
_

"Okay, ladies, which one of ya's next?" _He said, pointing his fingers at them in a flashy kind of way._

"ME!" _Fi shouted, literally throwing the others across the room._

"I like yer spirit, girl! Know what? I can already tell yer what I'm lookin' for! Come to my office tomorrow!"

 _As Fi rejoiced, the others were picking themselves off the ground in attempt to protest. The man noticed this._

"Ehhhh, sorry girls, yer just gonna hafta try next time. See ya!"

 _As the man went back to his office, all eyes were on Fi._

"So, you think _you're_ taking this job from me?" _Tatl shouted._

"Yes, I _do_ think I'm taking the job from you," _Fi retorted,_ " _I just did!_ "

"Yeah yeah, you won't last a day, robot girl!" _Midna growled._

 _Navi, on the other hand, was in panic._

"HOW AM I GONNA PAY BACK MY DEBT NOW?! THAT LOAN SHARK'S GONNA BE ON ME LIKE UGLY ON A GORON!"

Ignoring Navi's concern, Fi felt that she was on a roll and continued.

"And I think I'll last a lot longer than you could, I think I just demonstrated that with my strength."

 _Being reminded of their injuries, the three rejects suddenly felt the pain of broken bones. Fi then exited the room as the victor as the others groaned in agony._

"Just you wait Fi!" _Tatl shouted,_ "You'll be back to minimum wage soon!"

* * *

 **BACK TO THE PRESENT**

"Don't cry, little one..."

 _Groose was frantically disinfecting his comb while Fi was lost in the usual "what am I going to do with my life now?" crisis. Meanwhile, the discussion on what to do with Zelda had somehow derailed into an argument on which of two brands of orange flavored soda was superior._

"It goes flat in literally ten seconds." _Cawlin asserted._

"Yeah, when you _use a polystyrene_ cup, any soda would!" _Demise shot back._

 _Groose had finished sanitizing his comb and placed it safely in his bag before rejoining the others to get the conversation back on track, until..._

 _His comb began to glow mysteriously._

"No, it can't be..." _Demise uttered._

"It's..." _Zelda began._

"The" _Cawlin continued._

 _..._

 _They all looked at Strich to finish the thought._

"I have no idea what's going on..." _Strich admitted._

"But I know," _Said Fi,_ "Master, you are the new chosen one! But... the power given to you is channeling through your... comb..."

"That makes sense, my comb is my greatest possession. With this, I bring order to unruly hair and shape a world of style and class!" _Groose said, kissing his beloved comb._

"But you only use it on yourself." _Cawlin said._

"I know."

 _Demise knew what this meant, he had to get Groose on his side now. Perhaps with Hylia's display earlier, Groose and his posse could be convinced of Hylia's corruption._

"If you really _are_ the chosen one, then you must choose your side. Fight for my cause to end Hylia's tyranny, or defend her." _Demise said, ready for a fight if Groose chose the latter._

"I think I have to fight for Hylia, isn't that my... fate... or something like that?" _Groose said, disappointed he can't hang out with the cools kids._

"No, you **don't** have to." _Demise replied._ "There is no such thing as fate. For millennia Hylia has used empty words like "destiny" and "fate" to force people onto her side. The truth is, you are a human being with free will, and you can only _choose_ to let a deity control you. You decide what is right and wrong, and you decide which to fight for."

 _Groose was amazed at Demise's wisdom, never before had he though about it this way. But Demise was a demon and Hylia was a god, how could he know he was not being deceived? Surely this would take some serious thought._

 _While Groose was in deep thinking, Cawlin and Strich decided to help Fi out._

"Hey Fi, Strich and I are planning to open a new casino near the mountain, we could employ you there if you are interested."

 _Fi sighed and accepted, maybe it wouldn't be so bad, but she sure hoped Midna and the others didn't see her there..._

"With Groose's permission, we can begin our project." _Strich said looking towards Groose._

 _Still thinking, Groose made a small gesture to indicate their dismissal. Cawlin, Strich, and Fi were then on their way._

"Good, we needed a split up, we were tripping over each other to get lines." _Said Zelda._

* * *

 **LATER...**

"Now then, Groose..." _Said Demise, trying to speed things up,_ "What do you think? With me overthrowing Hylia, I can free the world itself and leave it to the mortals... like yourself."

The new information was useful to Groose, he didn't like the idea of sharing power with a demon, but... Mighty as he was, Groose was only human, and wouldn't have a prayer against someone like Demise. Groose was wise and knew his limits, he had to accept.

"It's a deal, Demise, you get the heavens, I get the world! Let's shake on it!"

As Groose and Demise shook hands, thunder sounded as an angry Hylia descended upon them.

" **YOU** " _She roared,_ "You interfered with my plans, and now you're plotting against me?! I'm solving this myself, ONCE AND FOR ALL!"

 _Hylia summoned some power ball thingy, prepared to vaporize all of them, but Groose rose to the occasion._

"I will vanquish you, Hylia!" _He declared._

 _Groose lept towards Hylia with his sword, and with one strike, he slashed Hylia's throat. Surely leaving a fatal wound. Except..._

 _Wait a second, he..._

 ** _OH NO!_**

 _Hylia was actually unharmed, sorry, I got carried away..._

"HAHAHA! You stupid idiot!" _Hylia laughed._

 _Hylia knocked Groose back to the ground with one swipe of her hand and summoned many bolts of lightning to rain down on Groose._

"GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE!" Zelda screamed.

 _Demise and Ghirahim were horrified, they saw great promise in Groose. How could someone as mighty as him be struck so quickly? They had to take matters into their own hands now..._

 _Hylia turned her attention to the two demons._ "Was _THAT_ your champion, Demise? Maybe you should have spent these years preparing a better attack. **NOW DIE!** "

 _Zelda, Demise, and Ghirahim, braced for the next hit, surely the one that will end them._

 _Groose lay on the ground, bloodied and beaten, had he failed?_


	8. Chapter 8

**And here we are! The final chapter of Comb of Time. Will Groose be able to defeat Hylia and impress Zelda? Will Cawlin and Strich do anything important? Will Ghriahim stop being the butt monkey? Will Demise be able to finish his sentences?**

 **Well no. No to all of that. Let's begin!**

* * *

 _As Groose lay on the ground, defeated, it was up to Demise, Ghirahim, and Zelda to face the angry Hylia, but with Groose down for the count, what chance do they have? For Hylia was moments away from issuing the final strike._

"Now DIE!" _Shouted Hylia, summoning enough electric energy to incinerate the entire area._

 _Demise had to think, what could he do to stop this?_

"Hylia, Stop! You know your sisters forbid you to directly involve yourself in Earthly affairs. You are about to kill two human beings here!" _Demise pleaded._

"Oh sure..." _Hylia said, stopping for a moment_ "And let me guess, you want to solve this with some fair battle?"

 _Demise thought about that, it wasn't what he had in mind, but it would surely give him a chance against the corrupt goddess. He had to go along with it..._

"Yes. It is only fair that we settle this Earthly conflict in an Earthly manner!"

"Urgh, Fine! Rally up whatever help you can get, tomorrow I'll obliterate your resistance by myself, and _then_ you and your little lackey!" _Hylia said, disappearing._

 _When the relief wore off, Demise realized he had nothing to possibly stand up to Hylia. His greatest bet (Groose) was simply cast aside in one hit. Ghirahim couldn't hold a candle against a goddess, and neither could he. He had to train Groose somehow. His thoughts then turned to Fi, perhaps she could help Groose in some way? Or better yet, what if Fi knew of one of Hylia's weaknesses?_

 _Regardless, Demise had to play the cards he was dealt, this was his chance, and probably his last._

"Ghirahim! Aid Groose until he has recovered!"

 _Ghirahim dragged the unconscious Groose away as Demise turned to Zelda._

"Zelda, do you remember where Groose's two friends were headed?"

* * *

 **THE THREE BICEPS CASINO  
**

 _Cawlin and Strich observed with satisfaction the new casino they had built, it was already done. Groose had taught them the secret to quick construction. Of course, they weren't as good as Groose in that, so they were worried that it might tip over like a 3rd world apartment complex later on._

"Cheers, bud." _Said Strich as he handed a glass of scotch to Cawlin._

 _People from all over the area were already visiting the casino. The first ones to leave were Navi and Tatl who were laughing their heads off at the sight of Fi working there so soon after their little confrontation._

 _Just then, the two saw Demise and Zelda approaching._

"Cawlin, Strich!" _Zelda immediately asked_ "Where is Fi?"

"Fi is still on the clock, she's very busy." Said Strich, already sounding like a professional.

"This is important," Demise interjected "We are to do battle with Hylia tomorrow and Fi is our only chance!"

 _Strich relented and called Fi out._

"You have visitors, Fi."

 _Zelda was appalled when Fi came out._

"F-F-Fi! Put some clothes on!"

 _Cawlin shrugged_ "That was Strich's idea..."

"YOU PIG!" _Shouted Zelda, hitting Strich._

"Oh must everyone come to see me? Let me guess, Navi and Tatl told you where I was..." _Fi complained._

"No," _Demise said_ "But you must come with us, we are in serious need of your help."

"Oh thank the gods, I can't stand another minute of this..." _Fi said, relieved._

"You could just quit, you know..." _Said Cawlin._

"Are you kidding me? I'm already behind on my bills, and I'll probably never get anything better than this-"

 _Impatient, Demise interrupted_ "Fi, we have no time for this, if you are going to assist us, we need you _immediately_!"

"Do you need our help?" Strich asked.

"That would be preferable, having his friends by his side might help Groose." Said Demise.

"Alright then, we'll close the casino NOW!"

 _Cawlin and Strich nodded towards each other. Strich pulled out a remote and pressed the button..._

 _With a loud explosion, the Three Biceps Casino erupted in flames with people running out for dear life._

"You didn't have to do _that_..." _Said Demise in complete shock._

* * *

 **GHIRAHIM'S MOTHER'S BASEMENT- I MEAN, GHIRAHIM'S NEW LAIR**

 _Groose was beating himself up over his failure earlier. How could he have let his friends down by letting Hylia beat him that easy? Sure Hylia is a goddess, but surely he could have put up a much better fight than that. Ghirahim brought him up to speed earlier, he knew he had only a day to prepare himself for the rematch._

 _Groose then went into personal quandary mode; he was confident, but he was also rational. He knew what he could and couldn't do. He realized there was no way he could take on a goddess, he had already been shown that. Was he truly out of his league this time?_

 _But the die was cast, he had already taken on the role of vanquishing Hylia. If he was to die defending his friends, then so be it. A warrior's death it was._

 _Groose then noticed Cawlin, Strich, and Fi entering the room._

"Hey guys..." _Groose grimly greeted._

"Snap out of it, Groose!" _Cawlin shouted_ "You haven't been this low since Link won the race!"

 _Groose did not respond. He simply slumped down on his bed, not intending to get off it any time soon.  
_

"I know how to lift you up, Groose." _Said Strich_ "You're weak! Zelda doesn't want you! your many years in the Knight Academy was a waste of time!"

 _Strich braced for impact, expecting to be struck by a newly energized Groose, but then... nothing..._

"You're right, Strich..."

 _Cawlin and Strich were horrified, they had never seen Groose fall this hard. Was there no saving him?_

"Master Groose, you _can_ defeat Hylia." _Fi assured_ "You simply haven't been using the proper tools."

 _With that, Fi handed Groose a pair of rubber gloves and a rain coat._

 _Groose was confused._ "What are these for?"

"Hylia's favorite method of combat is electricity. If you can keep yourself grounded from her initial attacks, you can gain the upper hand with ease-"

"Fi..." Groose said quietly.

'Yes, master?"

"...I'm scared."

 _The room fell into silence. Fi didn't know who she was talking to anymore. How could he say that?_

 _Thankfully, Zelda entered the room. Maybe she could talk some sense into him?_

"Groose...?" _She asked_ "Are you okay?"

 _Again, Groose didn't respond._

"Listen to me Groose" She said in a tone he never heard from her before "I once thought you were some boneheaded jerk. But in these short few days, I've seen what you are capable of. You conquered entire cultures, built a theme park to mark your victory, and, and...

And you dove straight from Skyloft to save me..." _Zelda said, feeling something she never felt before._

 _Silence._

 _Just when the gang was about to walk out, they heard it._

"Heh, and to think I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself when _I had a task at hand._ "

 _They turned back to Groose to see him off the bed reaching for his sword and Fi's rubber armor. Groose was back!_

"Just you wait, Zelda. You haven't seen _anything_ yet!" Groose shouted.

* * *

 **THE BATTLEFIELD  
**

 _Groose, Cawlin, Strich, Fi, Demise, and Ghirahim stood together, waiting for Hylia to appear and administer their almost certain defeat. Groose was racking his thoughts, what if this really was the end of him? What if he didn't make it out alive? He was sure he had lived his life to the fullest, but there was something missing..._

"It's up to you now, Groose."

 _Before Groose could go too far in thought, Hylia emerged from the sky, a storm cloud following her for climactic effect. Groose's blood boiled when he saw Hylia's cocky grin. The goddess was going to kill them all, and probably take sadistic pleasure in it._

 _Unless..._

"Okay Demise, I'm sick of you," _Hylia complained_ "Now hurry up and die!"

 _When Hylia summoned a lightning bolt, Groose knew it was now or never. He thrust himself in the way of the bolt to protect his allies._

 _It worked, his rubber coat had completely nullified Hylia's attack._

" **WHAT?!** WHAT HAPPENED? WHY DIDN'T IT WORK?!" _Hylia screamed._

 _Groose saw an opening and jumped to Hylia. With one strike of his elbow, he sent Hylia plummeting to the ground._

"AAAAAAAARRRGH! YOU STUPID IDIOT! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!" _Hylia said, her short fuse now run out._

 _Hylia rapidly shot out more lighting bolts at Groose. Once again, he was unharmed. With each attack Hylia grew more and more angry._

"WHY. WON'T. YOU. **DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!** "

"Basic knowledge, Hylia. Your electricity can't hurt me in this!" Groose said, feeling confident once more.

 _Hylia then realized what she was doing wrong and chuckled._

"Okay then, let's see how rubber will save you from THIS!"

 _Hylia then conjured a ball of fire in her hand and blew at it. It shot out like a flamethrower at Groose. Groose dodged, but then realized he was still standing between the angry goddess and his friends._

" **AH-AH-AH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH!** "

"CAWLIN!" _Strich shouted._

 _Groose looked back to see that Cawlin had been badly burned from Hylia's attack. Ghirahim recited a spell in attempt to heal him, but it didn't seem to work._

"Hahahaaaa" _Hylia laughed, regaining her composure_ "Some hero _you_ are!"

" **HYLIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!** " _Groose screamed, heading straight towards her._

 _Hylia knew exactly what he would do and was prepared to catch him. With ease, she lifted Groose up by the neck, ready to make a killing blow._

"You lose, servant of Demise, now _feel_ what happens to those who make me mad- ...what?"

 _A rumbling came from the distance, momentarily distracting Hylia enough for Groose to escape her clutches. Everyone looked to the West to see a hoard of small creatures heading straight for them._

"The cavalry's here!" _Said Midna, leading the army of Kikwi._

 _Before Hylia could do anything, she was overrun by the entire Kikwi tribe._

"You have oppressed us in favor of the humans for too long! Now face our wrath!" _Bucha shouted._

 _Hylia fought well against the Kikwi, and even managed to kill a few, but the sheer number of them was too much even for a goddess. Hylia was eventually overrun._

 _Groose then moved in for the finishing blow. He pulled out his now glowing comb and ran it through her hair. Along with his hair straightener and some black hair dye he had brought along, he destroyed her perfect hair, leaving behind what Groose liked to call the "Ebony Darkness."_

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR?! NOW EVERYONE'S GOING TO THINK I'M SOME POUTY GOTH!" _Hylia shouted._

 _Just then, the three elder goddesses themselves descended upon the land._

 _Din was the first to speak._ "Hylia, we have had enough of your nonsense. You have discriminated against the creatures of Earth and have now taken to attacking them! Your status as goddess has been revoked."

 _Hylia was then teleported away in a flash of light to be punished later. Groose, knowing the battle was over, rushed to Cawlin's side only to hear..._

"He didn't make it..." _Strich grimly said._

 _Tears welled up in Groose's eyes as he held his fallen friend in his arms. How could this have happened? Groose, in the midst of his battle, had abandoned his friend to die. Sure, it was to avoid Hylia's attack, but... he defended Cawlin from fire before, why couldn't he have done it again? Perhaps Hylia really was too big for him, he couldn't have even **survived** without the Kikwi._

 _But Groose straightened up and turned to thank the Kiwki._

"Midna, Bucha, Machi... thank you. I could never have finished her by herself. Even though it was against the rules of the battle, you saved me.."

"You may have conquered us with force," _Machi said_ "But you could never have treated us as worse as Hylia did."

But Midna laughed, "Hee hee hee, I'm always here to help. And Groose... can I ask a favor of you?"

"Of course, I owe you all my life." Groose said in respect.

"Can you help me clean my garage?"

 _Meanwhile, Demise and Ghirahim were speaking with the goddesses._

"We deeply apologize for all of this, Demise, or should I say Dave?" _Farore started._ "If we had listened to you in the first place, this conflict would never have started.

"All is forgiven, great goddesses. Hylia was rather deceptive to those on her good side." _Demise said_.

"As reward for your assistance in overthrowing Hylia, we offer you a position as the new protector of Earth." _Nayru offered._

"I am humbled, goddesses, Ghirahim and I will forever ensure no conflict this ever ensues."

 _With that, the goddesses returned to the heavens, leaving Demise and Ghirahim to realize that all the others have left._

* * *

 **MIDNA'S HOUSE  
**

 _After giving Cawlin a proper burial, Groose, Strich, Fi, and Zelda were cleaning out Midna's garage as she requested._

"You know Groose..." _Strich said_ "Everyone hated Hylia for what she did, but we slaughtered many, took their land, and rebuilt it in own image. Are we truly any better...?"

"Of course we are, silly" _Groose said, lightly punching Strich on the shoulder_ "Hylia favored us humans because we praised her and she made an example of any race that _didn't_. We're not like that though, we're equal opportunity conquerers! We don't play favorites, _nobody_ with land is safe from us!" Groose declared.

"That's great and all..." Fi sighed "But I still need a job. Cawlin and Strich blew up the casino... _for some reason_... do any of have an idea of what I can do?"

 _Zelda had an idea._

"Hey, if you're looking for employment, I might have something for you. See, I'm going to be the new teacher at the Knight Academy soon and I could use an assistant! Especially one that had a part in our world's most recent war."

 _Fi thought for a moment._ "Nah, I'll just see about the Lumpy Pumkin once it's rebuilt."

 _Zelda then turned to Groose, who was lifting a broken tractor outside._

"You know Groose, I don't think I properly thanked you for what you've done..."

 _With that, Groose and Zelda shared their first kiss. Afterwards, Zelda backed away in disgust._

"Ugh, I know didn't have the chance to brush your teeth, but _come on!"_

 _And with that, they all laughed in that typical way to end a heartwarming story._

* * *

 _So remember, whenever you're in doubt, just think of Groose and... uhh... whatever he did at the time? I don't know._

 _Wait a minute, was there even a point to this story? I mean, we could have had **some** kind of moral to it! Even stories that make **the least sense** can pull something out in the end!_

 _Oh I got it! Remember kids, it's always important that you **believe in yourself.** If you do, you will always be able to accomplish impossible tasks with the power of vain confidence!_

 _...Okay, I tried._


End file.
